SELF-ish

There are some people who spend a lot of time thinking about really important issues. Things like poverty and disease and disasters. And I guess I think about those things too, but they don't stick around in my head, playing a role in the way i make decisions or the way i feel for the day. which makes me kind of sad. i like to think of myself as aware of what's going on, and sensitive to the issues of others, even others far away that i've never met. but now i wonder if it's really just some kind of rhetoric. do i say that i care because i think that others expect me to care, or because i legitimately DO care? I WANT to care. I want to be passionate about something and not feel lost and adrift in what life throws my way. I want to feel that i have some direction and that that direction is leading me toward doing something great. Doing something with my life that shows that i care.
I guess i'm just not sure what that would look like. maybe i wasn't ever taught how to be passionate about anything...is passion something that you learn, or something that naturally emanates from within you? My boyfriend is passionate. He cares. And while it's not like he's out there feeding starving children on the weekends, he does little things that prove that he really does care about these issues. And he thinks. He's thinking all the time. He has all of these grand notions and ideas, and part of me thinks, "that will never happen. it can't ever happen" and it's not because i doubt him (because he's amazing and capable) but it's almost like some part of me hopes that it doesn't happen because then he'll be amazing and i'll just be...well, whatever I am. And so I return to the idea of selfishness. i am so selfish. I don't mean to do it, but it just happens.
i need to re-evaluate my life. i need to find out what i am passionate about, what is important to me. and most importantly, i need to NEVER attempt to squash someone else's dreams, especially the dreams of someone that i care deeply about. I need to remove the self from my thoughts, and be inspired to do something great for the cause of someone and something that is not me.